I wait in my empty house, perched on the carpeted stairs. It echoes. Everything of comfort is on the removalist’s truck – the electric kettle, my recliner chair, my bed.
Over the past weeks, buyers have come and gone. As I advertise my belongings on Facebook Marketplace, I discover a world that I hadn’t known existed – people who watch this platform for exactly the brand of goods they want, geographically within reasonable distance. And at the right price.
First to go was a was a boxing fitness station I’d bought for my grandsons but was barely used. I was overwhelmed with offers but the lucky purchaser told me his wife was a GP and needed stress relief. He had promised to find her one of these but had been rather slack about it. Then this one popped up and he wanted to grab it.
Next was my convertible walker/wheelchair, a product of the Netherlands. A man from my suburb arrived with his grandson. I’ve never known how to set this up myself – Ken did but we’d used it only half a dozen times. I’d found the instructions in English and printed them out. The man was as confused as I was, but still asserting that this was exactly what they wanted. His grandson glanced at the incomprehensible diagrams and said ‘Don’t worry Grandpa; I can work it out. Nanna will love it when you push her around in this.’
Then my top-of-the line sofa bed, which was too big for my new apartment. A couple in their thirties arrived in a hired van from Sydney. When I reminded them of its dimensions, they assured me this was exactly what they wanted and had been watching for this brand for weeks. As the man bent over it to remove the cushions, I asked the woman who would be sleeping in it. She pointed to him. ‘He snores’, she whispered.
When I advertised my 30 year-old office stationary cupboard for $20, I was surprised when an older couple arrived. ‘Our 9-year-old granddaughter is coming to live with us’, they confided. ‘We need storage for her things’. There was a story behind this; a broken family with grandparents to the rescue. I offered them a free set of drawers which they took gladly, bravely man-handling both into their station wagon. They had travelled some distance to get here and would need grit and courage for their journey.
And so it went on – a Peruvian wall hanging to a young man who had separated from his partner and was setting up on his own; a bar frig to a woman who had promised one to her workers for their lunch. When I advertised a small TV stand for a few dollars, a woman asked if I’d like to donate it to Friends with Dignity. I was happy to do so – after all, I felt I was selling at bargain prices simply to have things taken off my hands.
So I met Yela – another woman of courage whom I came to know as she collected ever-more donations: my 6-seater white dining table, a super-comfy double bed, lamps, blankets, towels and bed linen. Friends with Dignity is a volunteer organisation that sources surplus furniture and other goods for services setting up houses for people affected by family and domestic violence.
I lucked out with only one sale on Facebook – my washing machine. I had kept it till the last minute and then saved it for a woman who in the end, had difficulty finding a friend to help her get it into her car. It was a Sunday; Yela came to the rescue but was unable to organise someone to pick it up immediately. My neighbour opposite had also donated to Friends with Dignity and would keep the washing machine in her carport until it could be collected.
As my son and I finished preparing the house for handover, the washing machine was trundled across the street. Another good neighbour produced a cover for it in case rain happened to blow in.
Reflecting on these encounters can still bring me close to tears. It was a privilege for me to be able to share things I no longer needed with people who truly needed them. To imagine a new life for my belongings in homes where they are valued far beyond their cost.
And it was a privilege to witness the solicitude with which people loaded their purchases into vehicles large and small; to see my neighbours taking such care of the washing machine I had to leave behind.
As my house emptied out, clear sunny days with an edge of sadness held me as I embarked on the next step – departing my home of 14 years, a kind and friendly street, and a suburb rich with stories that I’ve helped to uncover.
Now my surplus belongings have been stripped away, I’ve embraced the idea of having less in the time ahead. The adage ‘you can’t take it with you’ acquired a new and immediate meaning for me. To this, I would add another – ‘if you can’t use it right now, give it to someone who can’.
20 Responses
Hi Ruth,
Thanks for posting your experience and thoughts. I have moved about 29 times due to renting. One place I rented unexpectedly for 17 years and was in my room in a heatwave at night trying to organise everything and say goodbye to my ‘home’ with my poor cockatiel screeching that he was tired and wanted to go to bed 🛏️! Me too, I thought and promptly covered him up.
It’s a raw and memorable experience but moving to another home is exciting and new.
Lovely to hear your thoughts.
I hope your new home is a lovely and happy experience.
Love Toni.
Thank you Toni. Moving 29 times is incredible – what stamina you must possess.
Oh gosh Ruth what a hectic and overwhelming time for you. I’m glad you were able to find homes for most of your belongings you didn’t need. I still have a few things on marketplace but used it a lot last year to get rid of a lot of my mother’s stuff. Are you in your new home now?
Thanks Debbie. Yes I have been here just over three weeks.
Oh that’s good. A settling in time.
Debbie, in the end, I didn’t have to go to Elermore Vale for three weeks. All the modifications that the previous owner/developer had undertaken to do were expedited on my behalf. I spent three nights at a bed-and-breakfast in Hamilton during the transition and that worked well.
Oh that is so good Ruth! What a relief.
Such an enriching bittersweet experience, Ruth, parting with possessions for the next stage. Thank you for recording this time with such compassion for yourself and others
Thank you Cecile.
Do you think Ken would love your new home? I think it’s a funny thing how suddenly we can let go of things we wouldn’t contemplate letting go of before we move. Things that suddenly feel burdensome or won’t fit or colour not right or what was I thinking or I have carried the weight of those books/ files/ keepsakes/ too long!
The gradual letting go ….
I hope I get to visit you one of these days Ruth. Much love as always. Leonie
Hi Leonie. Ken would love my tiny linen cupboard! He was always trying to get me to dispose of bed linen, towels, blankets and so on. The imperative of downsizing makes getting rid of things much easier, I think. Perhaps you will visit your brother on the Central Coast before too long and include Newcastle…
I had no idea you were in Hamilton that long (14 years). One’s life and associated memories tend to be linked to possessions. Particular possessions become symbolic of specific memories. The clearing out, (or ’emptying out’ as you put it), seems to serve the function of creating space to move on to a new chapter in your life. When I moved to Bangkok 25 years ago I had a sense it was going to be for quite a while, so I didn’t put anything in storage. Instead, I gave pretty much all my household possessions to friends. The emptying out proved to be cathartic. It freed me from the shackles of possessions no longer needed. And here I am, still in Bangkok, thankfully with quite few possessions. Wishing you a long residency in your new apartment.
Hi David. I am just as shocked as you were (about my 14 years in Hamilton) to learn 25 years have passed by in Bangkok for you. It was very courageous for you to dispose of all your household possessions when you left Sydney, and I imagine it was very freeing. Thank you for your good wishes and I look forward to your visit later in the year.
It’s a huge accomplishment to move house Ruth, and to be brave enough to decide to move as well. When I last moved 5 years ago, thought I’d never feel at home here and I missed my old garden, but the new place soon becomes home and you come to love the seasonal changes as much as before. I hope you grow to love your lovely new place and it’s vibrant new neighbourhood soon.
Hi Vicki. I won’t miss struggling around to water my plants – but I will miss their presence. It’s very urban here although as you know the abundant figs opposite save the day.
Congratulations, Ruth, on being able to manage all of this. Your possessions were probably all in tip top condition, and to be able to organise their departure via FaceBook Marketplace was exemplary. I can understand your feelings as you looked at your empty house upon leaving. If- when- I decide to move into aged care at some time in the not too distant future, I will have to dispose of a two bedroom unit full of possessions. I have no idea how I’m going to do that!
Hello Sue. You have been amazing, living independently with various supports all this time. I do hope you’ll be able to continue to do that especially with your son’s support. And of course, Prince!
Thanks Ruth for your most interesting post on selling/donating your unwanted possessions. Moving is such a huge undertaking and is commonly recognized as one of the major stressors in life. You have been able to find something positive in the transition from old to new home.
Thank you, Geoff. Since moving in I’ve had challenges getting my new broadband working – however I’ve wished for Ken to just take over! I think I’ve solved it despite technician input and I’ve learnt a lot in the process.
Thank you, Geoff. Since moving in I’ve had challenges getting my new broadband working – how I’ve wished for Ken to just take over! I think I’ve solved it despite technician input and I’ve learnt a lot in the process.