Are you settled yet?

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve been asked this question. I still feel bemused by it. What does it mean? I don’t want to disappoint my inquiring friends by saying ‘No, not yet’. Or prevaricate saying ‘I don’t know what settled means or whether it’s even a worthy goal’.

I’ve been in my apartment over 6 weeks now. An honest response to the question is ‘almost’. I am very pleased with my efforts at reducing furniture and possessions, even if at times it bordered on the fanatical. In fact I’ve had to purchase two more low bookshelves, another outdoor setting for my second balcony, and an ottoman. Compared to my next door neighbour, my furnishings are sparse, determined by my disabilities and need to move around easily with my walker. She has furnished her apartment, the same size as mine, to cater for visiting family members and can seat at least 14 in her living space!

I know I’m making progress ‘settling’ because less of my time is being hijacked by the unexpected. For example, getting a functioning broadband service, solving the problem of parcel deliveries, and negotiating where my service providers can park in this locality where parking is at a premium.

Over the last week, I’ve relished choosing my activities and having them stay on track. Pleasures like a massage which I’ve not enjoyed since before COVID, with a therapist who can work around my physical limitations. Or a Friday drinks routine with my new neighbour who like me, doesn’t go out at night unless someone picks her up.

I’ve made some important decisions. I feel so much safer here, especially in the bathroom. I’ve cancelled my daily Telecross call aimed to check if I’m still alive. After procrastination by me, appointments with three different specialists will take place before the end of the year. I’ve used Telehealth to speak with my general practitioner because it’s a longer trip to her surgery from where I live now. I’ve started my outpatient rehabilitation program, working out where I’m going to be picked up because outside my front door is an extensive No Stopping zone.

Everyone in our building has purchased here in the last 18 months so we are all from ‘somewhere else’. There are opportunities to make new friends, and I’m taking these. I’m getting to know the local services, the pharmacy and the supermarkets – of which there are three, plus two Asian specialty grocers. I’ve learned that it’s better to make more frequent trips for groceries than end up with one heavy load.

Yesterday as I was organising some papers, I came across a folder of poems that more than a year ago, I’d gathered to memorise. As I looked over them, I was flooded with emotion. How had I neglected this practice that helped me feel so nourished? My exercise program too – the moving process was intense, physically, mentally and emotionally, but that is over now and I am re-establishing my daily habits. As well as writing in my journal, most mornings.

I’m a person who loves change and variety and have pursued this in many ways in my life and work. But I also like structure and routine, even more so as I age. My daily life buttressed with the routines of habit is like a scaffolding on which I hang activities of pleasure and rejuvenation – coffee and phone calls with friends and family; surprise visits from loved ones who now live far afield; reading good books and writing; enjoying with just a tinge of envy the adventures of others more able than I am, on Facebook.

So yes to my inquiring friends, I am settling. More of the things I love doing enrich my days. If that’s settling then be assured, I am getting there.

Courtesy Tikovka1335 Pixabay