I gather my crew

‘An independent person like you must find it really hard to depend on others for so much’, a friend said to me. The remark  took me by  surprise – that wasn’t how I saw myself at all.

It set me thinking. Yes, I’ve always been an independent person. But as multiple sclerosis and ageing have taken their  toll over the last decade, I’ve had time to get used to anticipating what my future might look like, and asking for help.

The summer break this year has been marred for so many by floods, bushfires, drownings and car accidents. That’s just Australia, even before we lift our eyes to look beyond our shores. 

Last week  I caught an interview  on Radio National’s Changing Australia  with psychologist Dr Susan Palmer, founder of Gather my Crew. It’s the charity behind a free app that aims to help people in crisis get the help they really need and want  – not just what other people think they need. 

Even the most willing friends and family often don’t know how to help, or where to start. 

Helping and caring shouldn’t be left to chance, Dr Palmer says. Our first response in times of crisis is often to give food. That’s something we humans seem hard-wired to do.

In the interview, she told the story of a community rallying around a family in crisis, bringing huge supplies of lasagne, butter chicken, and casseroles to their door – only to discover that the family was vegetarian. What a waste – all that love poured into something that could not be used.

According to Palmer, the highest priority for help is often social connection rather than food. It is the isolation wrought  by being suddenly homeless, having a partner diagnosed with dementia, a child with cancer, or losing a loved one. 

It is easy to overwhelm the family or individual  in crisis by sending messages of inquiry that seem to require an answer yet add to the stressors they might be already experiencing. How best to reach out, while still respecting boundaries?

This app provides essential guidance as well as digital tools to help both the giver and the receiver of help. 

Australia’s Aged Care Program is much maligned, but because I took action early to get registered, I am blessed with much of the support I need. The program I’m on, the Commonwealth Home Support Program, is due to be discontinued in 2027, merged with the new tiered system. I dread that time, because despite occasional frustrations, CHSP gives me good access to services and autonomy in choosing my providers. I contribute financially to everything but am so grateful for the ease of getting something additional or making changes. 

My current services  include home visits by a physiotherapist, podiatrist, and an occupational therapist; cleaning; occasional transport; Telecross daily check in, and a monthly support  person to take me on outings or difficult medical appointments.

That means my family, kind friends, and neighbours, plus  private services fill the gaps, including my 14 year-old grandson who comes every fortnight to help me out and earn some pocket money.

A woman in my street has a chronic condition like me, but far less support. She hates the thought of depending on others. We’ve found a way of helping one another – I share a nutritious meal with her when inevitably, I make too much. As she waters her pot plants, she likes to include my new native garden at the front. We use the language that Palmer suggests, – ‘I’m doing it/making it  anyway’. Our dignity is intact.

Yes, I do depend on others, but having my own crew feels like being interconnected in a way that keeps me strong. This is the support required if one is  to live at home as one ages. It’s a serious business, especially when living alone. But it’s also a new skill to be learned, with many facets. Gather my Crew is one innovation helping us do better, for ourselves and each other.

Image courtesy of John Hain, Pixabay